MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION (James 1:12-22) (Kent Smith Notes 9/1/24)
THE PRACTICE OF MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION
JAMES 1:12-22
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YOU WILL FACE OPPOSITION
Satan would love to:
DESTROY YOU
DEFEAT YOU
DEFAME YOU
DEPRESS YOU
DISCOURAGE YOU
DECEIVE YOU
DISTRACT YOU
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v.12 Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. 14 But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. 15 Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. 16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.17 Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. 18 In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures.
TRIAL – The Battle for your life
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THE EXERCISE OF INFLUENCE
RATIONAL PERSUASION:
Deliberation regarding facts. (Convince)
EMOTIONAL APPEAL:
Addressing perceptions, emotions, and values. (Compel)
A RELATIONAL JOURNEY:
Affirming the genuine value of the relationship, and your sincere love for the individual and their future. (Connect)
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This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
RATIONAL PERSUASION: Deliberation regarding facts. (Convince)
EMOTIONAL APPEALS: Addressing perceptions, emotions, and values. (Compel)
RELATIONAL JOURNEY: Affirming the genuine value of the relationship, and your sincere love for the individual and their future. (Connect)
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BEST RELATIONAL PRACTICES
Quick to Hear
Slow to Speak
Slow to Anger
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This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
RATIONAL PERSUASION: Deliberation regarding facts. (Convince)
EMOTIONAL APPEALS: Addressing perceptions, emotions, and values. (Compel)
RELATIONAL JOURNEY: Affirming the genuine value of the relationship, and your sincere love for the individual and their future. (Connect)
Quick to hear: (Listen) The practice of Active Listening
•“This is what I hear you saying…did I get that right? (Reflective Listening)
•Seek first to understand, then be understood.
•Listen for the feelings, values, and heart behind the words.
Slow to speak (Think, Reflect)
•Ask questions. Draw out their feelings, motives, and beliefs.
•Do not attack or correct their position /facts; do not become defensive of your position.
•Identify the real issues / concerns that are being addressed.
•Self-reflection
•What’s at stake for me?
•What’s at stake for them?
•What’s a ‘win’ for US?
Slow to Anger – an emotional response
•Are you being attacked?
•Are your emotions being triggered?
•What is your interest in being “right.” (Ego)
•Why do you feel the need to show them their errors?
•Anger is a fear of being hurt.
•How is this conversation going to “hurt” you?
•How is their disagreeing with you going to “hurt” you?
•The primary relational results we want to leave them with is the love, compassion, and respect that we have for them.
•THANK THEM FOR TAKING THE TIME TO SHARE TOGETHER! SET UP A TIME TO DO IT AGAIN!
THE WIN FOR US IS A GROWING RELATIONSHIP OF FRIENDSHIP, ACCEPTANCE, HONOR, AND MUTUAL RESPECT.
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BE CURIOUS
WHY does this person think differently than me?
WHAT are my own “facts, feelings, and assumptions”?
WHAT are the core issues of our differences?
WHY do we disagree?
LISTEN AND REFLECT until you truly understand them. (In their assessment, not yours)
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THREE RELATIONAL RESULTS
Pushing or resisting.
Escape or withdraw.
Move toward them with compassion.k
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Pushing or resisting: The struggle to WIN (ANTAGONISM)
Escape or Withdraw: The decision to ABANDON the relationship (AVOIDANCE)
Move toward w/compassion: The evidence of genuine love for them as a person. (ADVOCATE)
Jesus most often exercised the third option!
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DESTROY YOU – remove you from this world
DEFEAT YOU – make sure you experience no victory
TEMPTATION – The Battle for your Soul
DEFAME YOU – remove your reputation and influence
DEPRESS YOU – remove your self-worth and joy
DISCOURAGE YOU – remove your willingness to improve
DECEPTION - Battle for your influence and impact
DECIEVE YOU – convince you to believe his lies
DISTRACT YOU – get you to focus on less important things
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